when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We talked him into tasing himself.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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