i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
