I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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