as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize