Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
