glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
