I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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