Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
