he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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