Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
