she was so not down for the gang bang
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I need to stop coming to work sober
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize