nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
