I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
