i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
