I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we're making bets on your personal life
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
And then he peed in my hair
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