you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
