i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize