im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
