She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
