she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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