We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
