We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
