I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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