There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
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