Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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