So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
