There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
