im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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