i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
