This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
