I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize