I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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