It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
