i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
