We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
