I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
