I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
