Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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