I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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