do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
