I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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