Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
