i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
