Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Sacagawea was the original milf.
How's work?
Spinning.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
