just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
