i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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