I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
