if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
