even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
