I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
