The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
