Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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