Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
