just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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