he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
