using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
