i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
