I wish my penis had an off switch
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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