Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
