walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
