There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
