just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
