You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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