and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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