put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
