my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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