I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
