SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
They are going to name an STD after you.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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