My room smells like vodka and shame
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
