Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
