I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
