I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize