Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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