doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Oh god it's open bar.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
