I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
