There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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