The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
