Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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