I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
