life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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