I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Don't make out with my wife yet
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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