Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
