the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
