in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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