Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
