On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
someone get that fucking seahorse.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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