you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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