Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
