Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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