woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
