my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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