she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
