i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize