fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
