Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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