drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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