i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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