Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
