how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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