I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
