Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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